The Price Is Oh So Right

The moon landing. The birth of Little Ricky Ricardo. “Who shot JR?” Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction.” The fall of the Berlin Wall. The final episode of Newhart. Alexis and Krystle’s cat-fight in the lily pond. All iconic moments in the history of television viewing.

But let’s face it – none can compare to this, the ultimate Showcase from The Price Is Right. Everything about it is amazing.

California Dreamin’

Relaxing after work last night, gettin’ my Jeopardy on, when a couple of commercials played back-to-back.

First, this, for Extended Stay America:

Just terrible. I guess it’s supposed to be funny? But what a trite choice of a song. Plus the main dude looks like a potential serial killer and/or child toucher and has an extra-cray gleam in his eye. It’s unsettling to say the least and I would steer clear of this hotel chain if this is the caliber of the other guests. Plus the features they’re singing about? Free wifi? Tap water? It’s not exactly sexy – but then I guess neither is spending weeks and weeks in a hotel adjacent to a business park.

Then, this, for Power Ball’s arrival in Cali:

Amazing! Beautifully shot, the score is perfect, it’s fun and fantastic at the same time. Alludes to the wonderful thought of winning the lottery without bludgeoning the viewer over the head.

So what’s my point here? I guess just that despite most commercials simply being ordinary and many being just awful, there are some agencies out there producing some really cool commercials. Well done, David & Goliath!

Cable Companies: Even Worse Than the Borg

I’ll say it again: cutting the cable cord was the best decision I’ve ever made. Not only do I save money, I watch less TV. And what I do watch is of superior quality – I’m halfway through Season 2 of Sherlock and it is excellent. Also really liking Prisoners of War, the Israeli show upon which Homeland is based.

Anyway, here’s Time-Warner Cable pissing off Patrick Stewart and William Shatner simultaneously. And trying to be “funny.” Seriously, TWC, if you’re going to crack wise, I recommend it not be to a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company who has also portrayed Jean-Luc Picard, Professor Charles Xavier, Gurney Halleck and the inner-voice for Susie Swanson. You will not come off well…

from FAIL blog

I Feel Doody-bound to Write About This…

So, this is a thing. Cottonelle is asking viewers of this commercial to come up with clever euphemisms for the combination of wiping your ass with both TP and “flushable wipes.” Gross.

Now, obviously, I could visit their site and add my own suggestions for this process. But I’m pretty sure that any entries with appropriate words like “shit,” “poop” and “excrement” will be filtered (heh) – not to mention, I don’t want Cottonelle showing up on my list of “Likes” on Facebook. So, here’s what I’ve come up with so far, presented without the stifling censorship of the Kimberly-Clark corporation. Feel free to drop (heh) your own suggestions in the comments section.

  • Crusty Crack Crap Crammer Combo
  • Dingleberr-E-radicator
  • Excrementary, Dear Watson a.k.a. No Shit, Sherlock
  • Bunghole Boogie-Woogie
  • Smears Johnny!
  • 50 Shades of Brown
  • The Origin of Feces
  • The Hole Shebang
  • Diarrhea-nother Day
  • Searching for Klingons on Uranus
  • Better Than a Corn Cob
  • The Number Two-Step
  • Rock, Paper, Shitters
  • From Shart Minds Come Shart Products
  • The Doody Free Shop
  • Shit’s About to Get Real
  • The Karl Rove

Also, just while on the subject of Cottonelle: their TP is the most dingleberry-inducing product I have ever used and it is banned from both my home and my bottom.

“GET ON YOUR FEET!”

Well, as is well-known, I am the worst – especially at posting regularly (though also in every other observable way!). And I actually have plenty of stuff I want to write about. But I think the upcoming 9th anniversary of my 39th birthday is taking a heavy toll on my initiative – though to my credit, I have thus far not even come close to defenestration. Though, in what I hope is not a case of foreshadowing, my primary household chore for this weekend is cleaning the windows….

So, as I while away the hours not writing, please enjoy what is arguably the most hilarious scene yet from Parks and Recreation – not to mention a shoo-in for this year’s Emmy for “Best Comedy Scene – Gloria Estefan Song Division.”

Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan

So, I sent my friend Jean a link to the Colour Me Good ’80s coloring book (also available: the Ryan Gosling coloring book… swoon). And Jean, being a true friend, was at my desk in the blink of an eye, having immediately printed out the Alexis page for my coloring pleasure.

Now, I’m not much of an artist and have never had any talent for drawing. But, I have to say, my coloring job here is a fucking masterpiece. Though I sure wish I’d had a brown pen for the hair…

Also, it’s pronounced “Dinasty” – like in “dinner.” ‘Cause I’m fancy like that.

Fuck You, NBC: Part II

I’ve railed both here and on Facebook about NBC’s truly awful coverage of the Olympics in London. And as I’ve continued to watch, probably the most depressing aspect of all is the extraordinarily jingoistic and America-centric nature of the coverage.

Sure, it’s great to root for the home team – but what about celebrating (or even acknowledging) the athleticism and competition of some of the rest of the world? In fact, for me, the chauvinistic nature of NBC’s coverage has found me rooting against some of the home team, simply because NBC’s constant (and often incorrect) hype makes some of the competitors seems like juggernauts, steamrolling all in their path to win gold. They almost seem like bullies.

Take the women’s beach volleyball competition. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings have been telecast ad nauseum by NBC – hour upon hour upon hour of boring beach volleyball. Of course, not a single match has been shown in primetime in which May-Treanor and Jennings aren’t competing. NOT ONE – not even the other American team, who ultimately met May-Treanor and Jennings in the gold medal match.

The fact of the matter is, winning gold medals for three Olympics in a row is pretty impressive stuff – but NBC’s bludgeoning, heavy-handed coverage just made me wish the Americans would lose, if only for a little variety in the competition.

The saddest part of all is missing out on some really great stories. The other night, NBC was kind enough to broadcast the gold medal competition in short track cycling – presumably since one of the competitors, Jason Kenny, was from the UK (i.e. an honorary American in the NBC world, thanks to English being his first language). The five minutes of coverage were among the most exciting I’d seen during the Olympics. Yet that was all I that was shown. Not a single bit of the competition leading up to that final. And no doubt, if the two finalists had been from France and Trinidad, NBC wouldn’t have shown the race.

Plus, while NBC was limiting their swimming coverage and interviews solely to American athletes, we missed out on this, which I read in the NY Times:

(Chad) Le Clos, 20, said he watched Phelps win six golds and two bronzes at the Athens Olympics and was inspired to become a champion swimmer. It was not a coincidence that Le Clos swam six events in London, including the same four individual ones as Phelps. After watching Phelps win a record eight golds in Beijing, Le Clos added more events to his program to be like Mike. On Tuesday, he pulled off a monumental upset when he handed Phelps his first major international defeat in 10 years in the 200-meter butterfly.

“That’s why I was so emotional afterwards,” Le Clos said. “He was the reason I swam the butterfly. It’s not a joke. If you think about it, it’s kind of crazy.” He added: “That’s why I swim the 200 freestyle, both the I.M.’s. I don’t swim it for any other reason than just because Michael does.”

Phelps got choked up when he heard that he was Le Clos’s hero and role model, Bowman said. “It means Michael’s done what he wanted to do: affect the sport of swimming,” Bowman added.

I mean, that is great stuff – and truly what the Olympics ought to be about! NBC’s myopic focus on a select few athletes is actually the antithesis of everything Olympic competition is supposed to represent – and I say that even in spite of all the corporate sponsorship and the politics and the shift away from amateur athletes. There are still feats occurring at these games that are awe-inspiring and moments of sheer wonder. But NBC will only share a chosen few and then beat them to death until they have lost any semblance of meaning. So, congratulations again NBC for your truly terrible job of broadcasting this wonderful event!