Tag: idiots

Why, Hoosiers?

Yes, it was delicious

Memorial Day and I had a craving for a carnitas burrito – specifically, a carnitas burrito from Gordo Taqueria. The sun was shining (though there was a stiff breeze), so onto my bike and off to the Sunset. I figure the 8-mile round trip ride would counteract a goodly portion of the pork-cooked-in-lard-which-therefore-makes-it-extra-delicious burrito.

Golden Gate Park was surprisingly quiet for a holiday, so I was somewhat displeased to find Gordo’s to be very crowded. But the line wasn’t too long and I managed to get the last little table.

But wait, what’s going on here? It finally became clear why the place was so crowded. Of the ten tables in the place, fully half were occupied by a group of 16 or so rubes tourists from Indiana (judging by the plethora of apparel emblazoned with their state’s name – I guess in case they get lost?).

Now, I get that tourism is a huge part of the SF economy. And I applaud these folks for finding there way to a really excellent taqueria rather than lining up at the Cheesecake Factory. But…

First of all, that’s too large of a party to take to such a small place. Imagine the poor schmuck behind them who has to wait in line while all 16 of them hem and haw and ask questions and panic over the salsa being too spicy and deciding who’s paying for whom. All he wanted was his usual “regular carnitas with cheese and guacamole, spicy”  and now he’ll have to wait 20 minutes just to order it.

Second of all, if you are going to show up at a tiny place like this with your inappropriately large party, you need to get that shit to go. You’re literally half a block from Golden Gate Park. Have a picnic! Eat and walk! Anything other than pushing tables together, moving chairs around and hogging up half the space in the tiny establishment!

Third of all, if you do selfishly decide to take up half the tables in the place, you need to eat those burritos stat and the get the fuck out. Don’t sit around, sipping your sodas and shootin’ the breeze, deciding where you ought to go next. You’re not in a cafe in Paris – you’re in a very small and busy taqueria that is frequented largely by couples and Mary Ann Singleton’s who just want to sit, wolf down a burrito and get on with their lives.

Fourth of all, when you do finally clear out, be sure to leave the tables and chairs that you’ve rearranged all willy-nilly all over the place and don’t bus your tables or throw away your trash. Let someone else take care of that for you…

Fifth of all, Jesus H. Christ!

But, to end on a happy note, here’s a photo of my sweet ride. Je t’aime, ma belle bicyclette!

The Ukulele Should Have Been a Dead Giveaway

While the food (especially the tonkatsu) at Delica is certainly tasty, the ordering process is, to be kind, not exactly a model of efficiency. Of course, some most of this is due to the fact that most people don’t know how to queue and/or are indecisive morons.

So, the other day, I’m doing my best to stand in line properly, turning the line 90° so that once it extends past the entrance to the establishment, it doesn’t block the entire central aisle of the Ferry Plaza. To no avail, per usual – the next guy to get in line stands next to me and people start lining up behind him. Honestly, I wonder how these people even find their way home in the evening…

At any rate, there’re a couple of d-bags in line in front of me – I know that they were d-bags because one of them wondered where their friend “B-Man” was. Jesus…  So, “B-Man” and some other friend showed up and cut in line with them. I was tempted to say something, but having been down this road before, knew that the two latecomers would simply tell their friends what to order for them which would likely slow the line down even more. So I gritted my teeth and massaged the vein throbbing in my forehead.

But something was amiss. B-Man seemed to fit right in – but the other fellow seemed a bit… off. He was a long-hair – and he had a ukulele. After observing him briefly, I was pretty sure that he had just sidled into the line with B-Man despite not being a member of B-Man’s circle of d-bags…  But it was really too late to something at this point. The die had been cast, the Rubicon crossed…

Once it was Ukulele Guy’s turn to order, the line came to a screeching halt. He started asking many, many questions about the menu, including whether he could have half soup and half beef curry in the same order (WTF?). Then the following dialogue took place:

Me (loudly and with umbrage): “Look, you already cut in front of me in line. How about you just make up your mind?”

Ukulele Guy (snidely): “Well, maybe you should just go ahead of me!”

Me (immediately stepping in front of him and addressing the lady who’d been waiting on him): “I’d like two tonkatsu, one spicy chicken and rice, please.”

And, scene. Well except that then Ukulele Guy had to enlist the assistance of another patron in ordering, advising loudly and in my direction that the menu was “very confusing.”