Who is the pip with pizzazz?

OK, I realize I’m probably posting too much from musicals – but mon dieu! How can anyone resist this number? I DON’T KNOW! Even if you hate the music (i.e. if you are insane), just look at the tugboat scene. This is all real! They had a helicopter flying over and around that tugboat while Babs sang her heart out in NY Harbor! And it is flawless.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but my first order of business after winning the lottery is to have a custom-made bias-cut orange dress and fur hat and muff designed just for me so I can re-enact this scene. And yes, I’ll be buying a tugboat and painting it turquoise (duh).

Also, I’m hoping that I can re-use that orange dress – make the hem a little higher, add a big white hat, turn the original skirt into a layered shawl – just like Babs did in On A Clear Day (it is the same dress, right?). Seriously – it’s the same dress, isn’t it? WHO CARES? It is fantastic! Also waste not, want not.

How to Avoid Weeping and/or Murderous Rage When Reading the News

Hey America! Pull my finger...

Every time I hear King Carrot Tangerine’s surname pronounced “BAYNER,” my eyes roll into the back of my head. Just like in poem, floes, roe and woe, in English (a.k.a. AMERICAN!), “oe” does not have a long A sound. His name is pronounced “BONER.” I swear it’s almost as bad as Raymond Luxury Yacht

Anyway, keep the correct pronunciation in mind as you read any given day’s headlines. It goes a long way toward preventing the gnashing of teeth and the screaming of obscenities. To wit:

Risks to Boehner in Debt-Ceiling Brinkmanship

Boehner Presses Obama on Libya Action

Are they drifting apart? Rumors swirl that Boehner and Cantor are less than cozy

Boehner Breaks Down Again

Boehner Is Monstrous Orange Prick; Also Horrible Douchebag

OK, I made that last one up. Though it is true.