“Let’s see, it’s 5:30PM on the day after Thanksgiving. Let’s jump in the car and head down to Union Square. And if traffic is, by some strange twist of fate, backed up for blocks and blocks and blocks, I can just lean on my horn to get things moving…”


The view from my aerie in the 'Loin.

So, let’s parse this…

Apparently Facebook thinks I’m a sad lonely homo who copes with my pathetic lot in life by staring at the TV and cramming my maw with discount cupcakes.

In other words, it’s 100% accurate. Hooray for algorithms!

“Clean up on the depressing aisle!”

“Hi, I need some laxative, denture adhesive, home pregnancy tests, analgesic suppositories, stale off-brand cookies and vaginal deodorant – and I don’t want to spend a lot of money…”

“Right this way, sir…”