Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan

So, I sent my friend Jean a link to the Colour Me Good ’80s coloring book (also available: the Ryan Gosling coloring book… swoon). And Jean, being a true friend, was at my desk in the blink of an eye, having immediately printed out the Alexis page for my coloring pleasure.

Now, I’m not much of an artist and have never had any talent for drawing. But, I have to say, my coloring job here is a fucking masterpiece. Though I sure wish I’d had a brown pen for the hair…

Also, it’s pronounced “Dinasty” – like in “dinner.” ‘Cause I’m fancy like that.

Leg Looks

What can I say that would in any way enhance the perfection of this? Parrots. Veils. Opera gloves. Smoke machines. Wide-brim hats. Rattan. French tips. Wind machines. Pinstripes. Tapestry. Sexy subway rides. “New Queen Size¬† 20% Off!” And the “Legs Look Theme” will haunt your dreams. Really, everything is amazing.

Though my own particular favorite is the phone scene. Seriously, she’s right in the middle of closing an important business lady deal (which apparently involves the straightening of imaginary seams on her hosiery) when, if I’m following the story correctly, a guy walks into the office. “Oops! Gotta go!” as she instantly interrupts her call and puts on what straight dudes presumably fantasize about as “blow job face.”

“C” = “Come on over…”

Still love this ad – especially the Morse code-ish music. And “Canoe canoe?” is a pretty awesome line…¬† Though what is going on in the crotchal area of that lady’s swimsuit? Also, I think “etcetera” means “fucking.”

I Feel the Night Explode

As so frequently happens online, the subject of Taylor Dayne came up. And I was reminded of a conversation I had several years ago in which someone observed that Anastacia was simply the poor man’s Taylor Dayne. To which I responded, “Isn’t Taylor Dayne the poor man’s Taylor Dayne?”

But seriously – far be it from me to mock her too much. Since I purchased my very first MP3 player over ten years ago, I have not owned a single music-playing device that has not included “Tell It To My Heart” in its library. That is a true fact.

And as excellent as the song remains, the video is amazing. Where do I begin? The $500 budget, most of which probably went for the gallon of red paint, a crimping iron and the half-day rental of the fan for the highly-dramatic hair blowing scenes? The fact that Miss Dayne appears to be wearing several weaves and a couple of wigs simultaneously, none of them in quite the same color? The oh-so-fetching torn jeans ensembles worn by the dancers? The cinching (oh, the cinching!)? The dance moves, which are barely a step above my own frenzied breakin’-it-down-after-0ne-too-many-at-the-Badlands (not to mention the fact that they’re completely unconcerned with maintaining any synchronization in the execution of said dance moves)? The dancers themselves who, if you look up the word “fey” in the dictionary, you’ll see their pictures? In other words, this video is full of win and total genius and, like the song, will always be the hotness.